i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
