If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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