He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
