when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
