YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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