I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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