wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
operation have a gay friend backfired
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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