woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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