Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
