Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize