her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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