I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
