If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
