shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
