She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
