I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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