evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize