i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
