I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
