when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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