We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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