True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize