he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just found puke in my bra..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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