i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize