I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
