I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize