Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
