Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
