i just sent this text using only my big toe
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Pants are for mortals
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You did what with his pubic hair?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
