I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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