508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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