My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
