I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
sarcasm needs its own font
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
