Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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