Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
