I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
