I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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