The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
MIDGETS
????
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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