The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
our cab driver is having phone sex.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
40s are totally the cure
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
