If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
