Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
