I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
