He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
