i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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