Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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