she looked like the before picture.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
