last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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