Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
