I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
