sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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