i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
