I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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