you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
