Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
