I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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