He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
