I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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