why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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