Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
