Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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