Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
