Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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