he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
