i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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