I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
