im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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