i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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