I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
