yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
