Your tits are I can't wait for
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize