Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
