So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
