Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
