the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
