Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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