There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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