she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
