I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize