Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
