someone get that fucking seahorse.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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