She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
