totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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