I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize