If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
