I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
