who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize