Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
