Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
