watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
