I'm lost and stupid without you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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