How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize