I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
