you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
