accomplished twins. life is a go
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
