Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize