I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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