Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
