dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
