Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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