ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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