Umm I'm too high to move.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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