I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Randomize
