Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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