What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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