I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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