nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
