So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
