sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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