Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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