Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
